Why Every Mum Should Travel Without Kids. A Mum’s Guide To Travel As Self-Care

Mothers travelling without their kids. It’s such a contentious topic. I’ve been labelled a bad mum, a selfish mum, self centred and spoiled. All because I choose to take time away from my kids, to travel without them, and to fill my own cup.

So here’s why I travel without my kids every year: and why I think you should too!

Remembering Your Own Needs

At home i’m mum. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I’m the one that takes them to and from school, helps them with their homework, books their appointments. I’m the one that does the invisible work of remembering which day they need their PE kit, what they’re eating (or not eating) on any given day, what’s happening with their friendship groups.

I help with homework, I cheer them on, and I put on plasters when they fall down. Then there’s the physical work of cleaning bedrooms, making dinner (every day, for the rest of your life), endless ironing and processing 30 emails a day from school.

And when we travel as a family I book the tickets and carry the passports. I make sure we book activities everyone will enjoy, that we stop for food before anyone gets hangry, that noone is too tired. I write itineraries, I sooth melt downs, and generally focus on making such everyone is having a good time.

And don’t get me wrong, I love doing this.

It’s my privilege as a mum, and when it’s all over (in a time frame I know will pass like the blink of an eye) I’ll miss it. But don’t ever mistake that being a mum is hard work!

When I go away without them, the only person whose needs I have to think of are…..mine!

I can eat wherever I want to, and when I’m hungry, not just because someone else is.

Want to stop and watch the sunset with a cocktail? Why not! It doesn’t matter if there’s a playground nearby to entertain the boys (and whose really relaxing when they’re watching their kids on a playground anyway?).

Wander past a museum that looks interesting? Let’s go inside, we’ve got nowhere else to be.

It’s incredibly liberating, and affirming, to be able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. To reconnect with my girlfriends, but also to reconnect with myself. Some people do this by taking a spa day, or dancing the night away in a nightclub.

For me, the way I reconnect with myself is through travel. It’s a rare window where the only needs I have to meet are my own, and I love it.

It Makes Me A Better Mum

Travelling without my kids makes me a better mum. It reminds me of all the things I like about myself! I can be funny and carefree without the weight of the responsibility of our family of 4 constantly on my mind.

I’m not just mum who washes the socks. I’m mum that has adventures, that got lost in some seedy backstreets, that goes parasailing, that snorkels for as long as she wants (without adjusting anyone else’s goggles!).

And I miss my boys every day I’m away. But missing them is good for me too; it helps me to appreciate what I’ve got, and how damn lucky I am to have it! Which you don’t always when you’re living in the trenches.

Put simply, I’m a better mum when I come home. Happier, healthier, well-rested and more tolerant. My time away gives me the energy I need to get through another football season, another soft play birthday party, another set of revision for standardised tests. Because believe me my boys are amazing (the centre of my universe) but standing on a freezing football pitch 4 times a week is not!

Solo Or Not Solo?

There’s a lot to be said about choosing to travel completely alone: go solo and reconnect with your identity outside of being a mum without any background noise.

But I prefer the company of a travelling companion: usually my sister or my girlfriends. Someone I can laugh with, make memories with, create key connections. Research has shown just how important female relationships are to the health and wellbeing of women, and this is the time I choose to nurture them.

But it’s also important to make sure the trip is exactly what you want it to be.

The key is to be upfront with your travelling companions before you travel, setting boundaries about what you want. One of you wants to sunbathe all day and the other wants to sightsee? No problem! Go your own way during the daytime and then meet up for dinner.

Don’t plan a trip that doesn’t suit you: that isn’t to a destination you want to visit, or is a party trip (when you’re a book in bed by 9pm kind of girl, or vice versa) because this isn’t a time for compromising. I’m pretty sure you do that enough in your day to day life!

If taking a trip with friends feels like a compromise then that’s the time to reconsider going somewhere solo instead.

It Builds Bonds Back Home

And what about the boys? Well I promise you that they’re not in the least bit scarred that mums not there for a few days. In fact, it gives them a chance to bond with daddy in a one to one setting that doesn’t happen very often – and I know this means watching too many movies and eating too many takeaways, but it doesn’t hurt for a few days. In fact, I think they probably like my little breaks as much as I do!

We’re a family that spends our weekends, holidays, and quality time together as a little group of 4. So the chance to have quality 1 on 1 time with one parent is nice for them.

I do make sure the kids are prepared. They know I’m going away and where I’m going: it’s not a last minute surprise! I also make sure their lives aren’t impacted in any way. The school uniform is washed and ironed before I go, their schedules are written out for daddy to follow, and I even cook and freeze healthy meals (that are never eaten – the only person I’m kidding is myself!)

What’s frustrating is that there’s such a gender double standard to this. Dad can go away for work, for play, miss family time for meetings, or for a couple of hours in the pub. And no one will blink. No one thinks twice about men that aren’t around to do bed time every night: but if a mum misses a couple of bed times she’s seen as a monster? Make it make sense!

I will also add that my kids are well travelled and that they also get away 3-4 times a year. I think I would feel differently if I was going away at the expense of having a family holiday. My boys are very lucky to have a lot of travel experiences, and this probably has an impact on my decision too. We love to travel, and sharing travel stories is part of our love language.

I’ve been to Paris, to Spain, the Canary Islands, Poland, Turkey, and Germany without my boys. I’m planning to take a 4 day trip to Morocco without them this summer.

I’d love to know what you think about this contentious issue. Would you travel without your kids? Is this selfish or self-care?

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